How are you gay if you don't have "gay sex"? Pt. 2Continued from previous post
The rest of this entry is dedicated to the Frottage Community, Solosexuals, and those souls who chose to engage in uninhibited sex with complete strangers, but when it came to someone they loved, shit got too real, so they chose to only engage in non-penetrative sex out of fear and respect of that loved one, then altogether proclaimed celibacy a day after one last go'round unbeknownst to the loved individual for which that would be the last time, if ever, that they'd get it in with one another (I still call bullshit on you, nigga, but love you anyways). Like for real, dude, that shit still hurts....sorry
|Photo by Nicolas Calderon via Flckr|
"I have not engaged in anal, but I do engage in intercrural (non-penetrative) sex, e.g., frottage and grinding, because stimulation can be had to the point of orgasm. Also, Oral sex is considered sex, so it all depends on what your view of sex is in regards to being a virgin. I don't consider myself to be a virgin based on my experiences even though I haven't had anal, but based on my experiences, doesn't mean I have no clue about sex. I'm experienced in my form of stimulation, and believe it or not, there is a small community of men who do not prefer anal sex in any way. Some are happy with mutual masturbation, oral, and non-penetrative sex for various reasons. Some do not want to feel like they have to fulfill a "role" in the bedroom. Others feel that other forms of sex other than anal places both parties on common ground. Overall, you have to do what's best for you, and if someone really does care about you, they would be willing to experiment with other pleasurable alternatives, but it takes work because people have different mindsets on the subject of intimacy."Seriously, I don't think there's anything else I can really add, except that the same comment applies to my sexuality. Whatever logic you have on the matter, I know that I love men. I'm sexually attracted to men, and although I've never had sex with a woman, I'm gay because I don't want to have sex with a woman. To question a person's sexuality because of what they haven't done is just a blow to any young gay male trying to find his place in the world. At the age of 19 to my early 20's, I second guessed myself because of this very topic. All guys I encountered asked me of my sexual positions, to which I'd reply that I've neither topped or bottomed, and at that time in my life, I was made to feel like an odd ball, so the subject became some sort of trigger.
To repeat, I am a gay male that is not a virgin in my eyes. Could I have engaged in anal, yeah. Did I want to in my early years, no. I'm old school when it comes to intimacy, and I've grown to accept it. If I get to a point where I want to get it in and give it up in that way, it'll have to be with someone I truly trust, and preferably love. I almost got there, but it didn't work out, and it broke my heart because I spent two years of building trust with someone I truly loved, only to get a decent answer as to why we couldn't and shouldn't go that extra step...out of respect for me because the person I loved fully understood the difference between sex and intimacy...because of me. I still get emotional about it; however, logically, it was probably best that we didn't because we are at a standstill, and I'd probably be more distraught that I went the next step in topping/bottoming, only for a relationship to still fail. Yet, the negative thought that continued to bother me was that the guy had all his trysts that he openly and honestly told me about (claiming he didn't enjoy 90% of it, BUT still did it), and we had our hours of body exploration, non-penetrative love fest, which was great, but...I'll leave it alone for now.
On to the subject of non-penetrative stimulation. It's a good experience (reference long quote above). Believe it or not, there's a small, yet growing community of same gender loving men who prefer it over anal. If you're one of those guys that do not enjoy penetrative or have yet to experience it to know if you want to top or bottom, don't feel bad about it. Don't beat yourself up in anyway because you are not alone. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into doing something you are unsure about, especially if you know you're not ready. Non-penetrative sex is a great alternative. Some may think of it as extended foreplay, but it can be sex. Both participants can achieve orgasm in many ways and many positions (NSFW!!!). And as with any form of intimacy, it's usually better with someone you love because the connection is much greater, but if you want to have multiple partners, that's up to you. Are there still risks of engaging in non-penetrative sex, yes, but minor, BUT still use caution. The frottage community seems to be cool.
The only thing that turns me off about the frot community is the utter thirstiness that accompanies a good bit of participants. Due to the rarity of men who actually express interest in said activity, I understand the excitement and eagerness to engage with different males who express interest in the act; however, there are still health risks that accompany any form of sexual activity, whether penetrative or non-penetrative. It's kind of like searching for the last man on earth. Once that guy is discovered, the eagerness to get to him is quite high. I don't know, but I've been a part of different online groups, and it's very hungry for a good grind, which is understandable, but I do wish that it was handled with a bit more finesse at times, but that's just my opinion. And people will always have their preferences and hangups.
In conclusion, how I treat intimacy/sex with another male doesn't make me less or more than anyone else who treats intimacy/sex differently. The overall goal is to get your rocks off, I suppose, but to look at someone differently because they haven't done the same things you've done just yet, or if ever, doesn't help the situation, unless you're coming from a place of learning and understanding. Will I ever do the do? Hell if I know at this point, but I know that I want it to be mutual trust and understanding between I and the partner of my choice, and most preferably much much love. So, how am I gay if I've never had sex? I have had sex, just not the mainstream view of it, and whether I have or haven't, I love everything about a man in a way that goes beyond friendly. I am who I am.