Gay relationships! There, that could just be the full body of my post because saying that within itself leads to so many topics. But, in this case, I wanted to talk about knowing when to let a relationship go.
As I mentioned, I finally felt it was time me and my guy call it quits, amicably. The love was there, but I began to feel less and less in love, and it scared me because I felt I could never not love him. In fact, I still love him, and will always love him.
Fortunately, my case of love gone wrong is docile compared to the issues of my other gay friends.
It wasn’t too long ago when a friend called me to tell me that a situation was under control after he took a very late night drive to his boyfriend’s house to confront him about cheating allegations. This wasn’t the first time these problems came up. Yet, even through all of that, he told me they were still good.
At that point, it was 5 in the morning, and I was sleepy and frustrated, so I asked him “when is enough enough? What is your breaking point?” The only thing I could deduce from his explanation was that he wasn’t ready to let go. From there, I quickly learned that you can’t debate relationship red flags with a person who’s still in love.
I guess we’re all masochists in our own right. Only we know when we’ve reached our peak frustration and hurt, and until we get there, no one can tell us different. Even I went through a denial period, but the signs were getting bigger and bigger, and in my friend’s case, the signs were large and in charge, but that’s his relationship. As a friend, all I could do was listen.
Abuse, whether physical, mental, emotional, or a mixture, is tolerated differently depending on the people involved and the type of relationship they have. And love is funny. We can quickly be riled up and upset, but then forgive the next day. But what you forgive now, is that honestly a cycle you want to repeat over and over just to say you’re in a relationship, or until you get tired?
My advice is when you begin to not like the person you’re becoming when around your partner, it may be time to bounce. Simple and difficult at the same time. When you think thoughts you’ve never thought before or feel feelings of regret or resentment, after hundreds of times communicating one another’s grievances and soothing each other’s distress calls, then enough should be enough.
The fear is that with some of us wanting to be in a functional monogamous gay relationship, we honestly know how fucking hard it is to achieve that, and we often take what we can get if we just don’t want to play those annoying games anymore. Dangerous. Don’t settle if it’s going to alter you in the worse ways. Ultimately, only you know when enough is enough.